What Not to Say on Your Resume

As a hiring manager and a journalist, I am frequently asked for advice on resume writing.

My suggestion is to keep it simple and direct. Spell out your objectives and detail your experience in as few words as possible, and keep the self-hype to a minimum.

Hell, eliminate it completely. You don’t need it. It just gets in the way.

Looking over resumes posted to job boards and LinkedIn, I can’t believe the pretentious gibberish and cliches. There is no end to the self-aggrandizing gruel people pour out like syrup over their public profiles.

So many candidates are “results-oriented,” “passionate,” “hands on” and “team players.” Many are “savvy,” even “visionary,” and quite a few are “self starters” or “servant leaders.”

From an actual LinkedIn resume: “a forward-thinking … leader with 24 years of proven career success managing cross-functional organizations…. Recognized as an efficient problem solver who consistently aligns technology and overall business strategies while managing costs and risks. Decisive professional, known for taking on major initiatives, adapting to rapidly changing environments, and resolving mission critical issues to ensure bottom line success.”

Really? Do you hear yourself? Glad to know you aren’t a backward-thinker — or a problem causer. And what the hell is a “cross-functional organization?”

More: “Transformational executive. Expert in the development of high growth strategies for both new and established client bases. Adept at quickly understanding complex product and service offerings, thus able to ‘hit the ground running’. Strong ability to forge key relationships with prospects, clients, donors and partners in challenging business environments. Develops key human resources to open and penetrate markets thorough coaching/mentoring skills, acquired through multi-cultural and multi-industry experiences. Excels in high level presentations demanding professional appearance, demeanor, and credibility.”

All right, I need to stop. But you get the point.